This post may or may not be the most personal post I had ever made in this blog. Some of you might even be aware with this situation if it had happened to you, like it happen to me.
What this post is going to be about? Well.... there's will be two section on this.
The first one would be the sense of belonging; of who you are and where you stand in a rapidly-changing society, and what are you tend to do about it. For years, I had dealt with such feelings inside of my head and heart. The same question will constantly resurface. Who am I? Where do I really belong in this world? Who are my friends and my enemy? Will I ever found any happiness in my lifetime? Well, I questioned those so many, many times but never get a right answer.
Growing up, I never really feel like I belong in anywhere. Sure, a few friends will come and by. We meet new people and we said our goodbyes. Family will be there for you, until one day - one by one, start leaving you - from your life or from this world. It's tough and it gonna be a painful process. Some people might never recover from it. Due to that, I considered myself as a lone wolf. The kind of wolf who won't want any trouble with others, just be on her merry-own way until one day - BAM!. Disappeared from the eyes of the world.
Yup, that's the kind of finale I am aiming.
The second part of this post is about suffering. I always think the stages of life as simple. For me, there are no childhood, adolescent or adulthood. The way I see it - You live, get lost in a way and at the end of it; you DIE. There's nothing to it, it's just how humans are naturally designated. There's absolutely no point of trying to deny this ultimate fate. If to put it kindly,this fate is a process - on what will become the last of you in this world. And of course, what happened afterwards depends on what you believe in; God or no god.
But even so, I am still curious on what does happen during the 'get lost in a way' phase. Is it the same for everybody? From my observation and understanding, I learned that even though we walk on a different path - we still walk on the same pattern. An example for that would be, just because you're rich, doesn't mean you won't have any suffering in your life. Or just because you're pretty doesn't mean that you won't get hurt. Quite often people made a mistake by thinking that they are the ONLY people who are suffering in this world because let me break it to you; once or twice in their life - anybody can suffer. Depends to their choice or not; there's no way of telling or up to you to decide. It depends on the person and how they had lead their life.
No one is really free in this world. Right from the start, we were bound by a contract. Only we failed to acknowledge it since we're too deluded, to absorbed with what were doing in our life that we forgot to enjoy it until its over. After that, no amount of regrets will ever bring anything back. The fragile, little life you had, were no longer yours to keep.
I won't encourage you to think of anything about this post. It's just my own reflection on what life seems to me right now. If there is any part from my words that you think is worth saving - then be my guest. Because everything written in here, mirrored on how I deeply feels. Inside of me.
Mimi says: Think hard about your life because it maybe your last
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