Confessional Preface

Thank you for choosing 'Angelic Confessions' as one of your online reading materials. I'm your host, Mimi. I hope you'll enjoy your visit here and if you could spare some time, please leave your suggestions or recommendation on the comment section below. Thanks again and have a nice day! P.S: This is a personal blog... No profitable ads/spam are allow in here!... I won't appreciate it so please behave...(Mimi Said)...


Tuesday, April 10, 2018

Reason Why I Quit Social Media (FB in particular)

So, it's already 2018 and what do you know... Facebook founder, Mark Zuckerberg is under hot water for some serious allegation - data breach of its user. Apparently Zuckerberg policy allows him to sold off user information (est. 87 million people) to Trump. Geez, Zuckerberg... What a way to pave your own grave... Now, why wasn't I surprised about this? Oh wait - I know... Because a pretty similar incident had happened before. We all had been warned...

The year was 2013. Edward Snowden had copied and leaked some classified information from the National Security Agency (NSA) without authorization. When he fled with the information in his flash drive, nobody takes notice. It was initially a one-man operation, but thanks to help from selective journalist - the whole wide world now knows his story. U.S government hail him as a traitor to their country, but I think the man did it to warn his fellow countryman of what's been happening under their noses. He warned people about what is happening, yet nobody seems to take notice. People still using social media to rants, sharing stuff they life, etc... But, not me. 

I heard his voice and I'm a bit worried.

Because of Snowden action, I now know the danger of oversharing. He open my eyes on how dangerous it is to share your information (not only to people around you), but also on the internet. You know what they say, knowledge/information is power and don't Facebook know it. Which is why it hardly a surprise Facebook is in a deep sh*t right now.

Every year, I found the usage of Facebook in my daily life had become more pointless. I was never a big sharer IRL, but Facebook makes me want to share pictures, words, moods, quotes... whatever it is - on my page. I'm sure my reasoning to stick back then is the same like everyone else; posted my pic, got few likes, they makes me happy. Rinse and repeat. It didn't make me rich per say (as it did with Facebook ads revenue), but it's enough to make me stay at the time. And so, on and on it went - for 5-fucking-years! It wasn't until early Mac 2018 that I decided - enough is enough. It's time for me to delete my page forever. 

Did I missed it? Not even for a bit.

To tell you the truth, I always think how pointless all of these likes and comments I had received at this site. Not only did I think it was pointless, I also think it's boring. How many lives had been made miserable for the race of 'who got the most like' or 'who is the most popular?'. Anxiously sitting while waiting for some validation from strangers? Well, that doesn't sound like me. I don't care what people think. Their likes or comments means nothing so long as my mind is made up. I'm more of the 'be-whatever-u-want-to-be-and-fuck-all-the-rest' kind of girl.  So, what the hell am I doing here? Funny enough, I have no answer for that.

So, I started using Facebook less and less. Once in a blue moon (after 4-5 months had passed), I'll posted something (usually a picture with littlest caption as possible) before becaming dormant again. While most of people I know still getting sucked into Facebook, I wasn't. I'm not sure why, but I seemed to enjoy my own life more.

With the recent fall out in Facebook, I'll say I made a right call.

Funny to see people abandoning FB as soon as the data breach made into news. I'm sure Snowden, Mr. Robot, and many other outlets had warned them before about this. Would they listen? Nope. Everyone are either too addicted or too obsessed about themselves to care. So, what if Facebook mined your data a little... what you don't know wouldn't hurt you. Well now you know, don't you? Now you know that what you don't know, CAN and eventually WILL - kill you. I know it definitely had killed my trust on Facebook and probably more than a dozen social media out there. 

Lately, I been enjoying my life (social media free) more than ever. I wiped off my info and pictures on FB (while actively deleting all of my pictures from Instagram) and never looked back. Everyday feel so much tranquil now, no race to who look the dopiest, or endless wanderlust photo's. Braggers, needy and narcissist - all be DAMNED. There wasn't such bullshit in my life; not anymore. Nowadays, I feel more relaxed, more settled. This is my 'new' normal - and I like it!

Friday, February 16, 2018

Konmari Method & Goodbye,Things - The Nice Guide of Minimalism for Beginners

Today is 16 February 2018. And it has been more than a month since I decided that;

"Screw shopping. Screw stuff. Screw having so little money. I'm going full on minimalism starting 2018."

It was an idea that struck accord to me after reading so many articles detailing about the new 'minimalism' movement, how people having so little or next to nothing in their life. Living to the bare minimum puzzles me at first, though I didn't really chastises anyone who choose to do it. That's one thing I always try to remind myself - never judge people before getting to know them. So, I did a little more digging, watch more videos, read a couple more articles and books just to be sure that before making any comment - at least I am knowledgeable of the subject. As a result, I found out a couple of things. I realize that aside from having so little in their possession with theme color most constantly being white; most of minimalist also seems have one thing in common...

Most of them seems to be happier than they were before. 

I was skeptical at first. Yeah, you get rid of stuff and you're happy about it? Throwing, giving, reselling... a hundreds dollar of money spent, now all gone. Where's the logic in that? If it was me, I would be angry of the lack of profit return. But, that doesn't seems to be the case with these minimalist. For some reason, they're pretty content and more than willing to let go of their stuff even if it pays next to nothing. That part perplexes me somehow so I did a little experiment to test out if I can do the same thing and not feel mad nor cheated about it. So what did I do? I start off really small, of course.

I get rid all of my anime and movie posters. Yes, I did. 

Left pic: Before; Right pic: After
Look at my smug face. At the time, I had just finished decorating
my wall and was so proud about it. But, fast forward four months later...
So, I clean up my wall and left nothing there. Now, what? Any minute now - I was looking forward to start feeling happy and content. So, I look at my now almost barren wall, but yet - I felt nothing. Already I thought this is a failure... Perhaps minimalism wasn't for me, you know? I was ready to let it go but then decide to give it just a few more days. Which is exactly what I needed. 

I'm sure a lot of minimalist can tell you about the same thing - but it does take some adjusting after you just start to de-cluttering. 

So, a couple of days later - I look at the wall again and began to see its true worth. Sure, anime and movie posters might look nice at first; but a barren wall somehow have calming effects to me. No longer did I felt like the wall is 'screaming' at me - now, I can imagine whatever it's I wanted. I don't know quite how to explain it, but it was a good feeling to have and this is when I started to look minimalism in a different light.

The thing with me and trend is that we never seem to arrive at the same time. I would either be too late to the party or... too late to the party. The minimalism trend had started a couple of years back but I'm just finding it out now. Still, it doesn't matter to me how or when did I arrive... When I look at minimalism; I didn't particularly see it as a trend. I feel it have deeper meaning than that. To me - minimalism is a type of lifestyle that I had committed myself into. It is something that come to me at the right moment and help me deal with some issues in life. Over the years of living in my house, I had grown too comfortable to accumulate so much stuff to the point that I'm beginning to feel suffocated by it. Actually, 'choked' is more accurate... That is when I start researching for new meaning of life, about minimalism movement and long to have similir lifestyle as well.

But, wait... Isn't becoming a minimalist means that I need to get rid of stuff? But, I still need a lot of those things... Some I just brought last month! Does it means I have to get rid of that too? Again, I was feeling defeated before even fully started with anything.

Well, this is where these two books comes in handy...

A tidying guide by Marie Kondo (KonMari).
Truly a masterpiece for anyone who want to
get rid of their stuff but didn't know where to start.
(pic credit: Google images)
Only keep things that sparks joy in your life - that is one of the main teaching that KonMari preach inside of this book. Sounds legit. This books exactly what I needed to validate the need for me to hold on to some of my stuff (when I said 'some', I mean it loosely as 'more'). So, without so much of a feeling - I hold on to things such as my extra lipstick, eyeliner, and books tightly. There's no way I can get rid of these when I can still use it. But, later I realize that I'm just being stupid. Truth is, even though I could lie inside of my head and maybe coax my heart a little - I still can't fooled my own eyes. My eyes recognize a mess when it sees one and slowly, it starts to make sense into my head and undo the lies inside of my heart. Unable to turn a blind eye anymore, I start to choose things that sparks joy to me and began discarding my belongings...

Here's a list of things I decides to get rid of on my first couple of weeks of Jan 2018;

1.) Around 30 books I had finished reading (most of them are around 10-12 years old and still in a good condition. I donated all of it to the Public State library).
2.) My Anime & Movie posters. (I put them inside my graduation scroll. It's so thick and heavy. In case of life-threatening event, I plan to beat robbers with it.)
3.) Ugly physical photo of me when I was a teenager. (I tear it to pieces and burn it right then and there. I don't need this kind of reminder for the rest of my life)
4.)  Expired make up products and toiletries (Instant trash can)
5.)  Old clothes and bags (Donation box for course)
6.)  Old TV, broken DVD player, some other stuff that is recyclable (I brought it to the recycling        centre to be sold and receive some money in return).
7.)  Useless apps that take a lot of space inside of my phone (Delete them without hesitation)
8.)  Old letters and envelopes (tear it to pieces and then burn them).
9.)  Chipped cups and mugs (can be dangerous, so yeah - trash can.)
10.) Knick knacks for art project (also, trash can).

The list might seem short but the work that goes behind it was endless. Everyday I woke up with the same thought; "What should I get rid of today? I don't want it to be anything radical. It must be something I haven't touch or care for in a while..." Once I have decided on what to discard, I began to put my plan into work. Planing and structuring can be fun if you know what your goals are. And so, it goes. My morning starts to unfold.

When I was growing up, my family didn't have much. For a few early years of my life, we didn't even live in our own house. I still remember those days, scraping for bits and pieces of clay so I have something to play with and rejoice the moment I have playing with my cousins. But, I like reading so my dad would brought me a couple of comics and storybook. I would reread them again and again, but never feel tired of them. Fast forward twenty years later, we now lived in our own home and I have about 80 books in my possession; most I only read once (no matter how much I like them) and never bother to give them a second look after I finished. That's how much time had changed. I feel bad as I was writing this because I know that my books deserves better. Thus, I'm planning to reread all of those books again and once I'm finished - I'll be donating it to the library and let someone else benefited from it. 

To say that I had truly embrace a minimalist lifestyle - I wouldn't dare to call it that just yet. A lot of adjustment needs to takes place. One thing for sure - when I decide to let go things; I'll either make sure that I really, really don't need it (thrash can) or it's going of to a better place (donation box, library, etc.). I never throw away things if I wasn't sure. To me, de-cluttering must not only look easy on the eyes, but also soothes my mind and heart. 

There's another book that I read yesterday that also resonates well with me. It's a book written by a man name Fumio Sasaki, titled; Goodbye, Things: The New Japanese Minimalism. I pick up the book, knowing it had something to do with minimalism but with a slight concern that it wouldn't be good as KonMari method. However, the advice I had received through this book was awesome and better than I expected. Mr. Sasaki is clearly a well-read man, as evident through his references of other authors (KonMari herself included), social and minimalism in Japan, his observation and opinion on what can be define as minimalism, and his very own advice of 55 things you can get rid of today and I couldn't be more grateful and found myself agreeing to everything he said inside the book. 

Honestly, if KonMari book had taught me to choose things that only sparks joy, Mr. Sasaki's shows me that there's another world out there once you start to embarks into minimalism lifestyle. I could go on and on of how much I love Mr. Sasaki book more than KonMari, but at the end of the day - it wouldn't matter coz I already obtain a very useful lessons from both. I also found both authors books compliments each other very well. I love how they talks enthusiastically about downsizing and selecting their stuff, how it had changed their life, and found happiness and joy within a clear space and their tidy houses. Their enthusiasm somehow inspires me on my own minimalism journey and I look forward the day I stopped missing my belongings and start focusing on my own personal growth instead.

This is how the book looks like.
The content is great and I rated it 5 stars.
I do enjoy the simplistic cover art.
(pic credit: Google images)
Even though I had read all of these books and pro-actively dealing with my stuff, I know there's a lot more to learn. My real focus right now is to use whatever STUFF that I still had left behind, and reconsider if I ever going to repurchase them again in the future. Such decision doesn't takes just a couple of hours, but a careful consideration. I'm looking forward for a change that not only benefit me for today, but in lifetime.

Thank you for joining me today and take a peak inside my minimalism journey. I'm looking forward to make more progress in the future. See you soon.

-Mimi Said-

Wednesday, January 3, 2018

My 2018 Resolution

picture credit: Google image

Ok. Hello 2018. Glad you're here.

I always feel like there's something special about starting a new year. Clean slate, as they always say and I couldn't agree more. People always talk about thing they wanna do to start their new year; resolution, goals, etc. Making THE big changes. Me? I just like to start small. Not always a big on big things, you know? They bores me. I like small things that makes the difference. Example no. 1 - waking up early in the morning. Sounds about the simplest thing to do. No biggie. Anyone can do it, even a ten year old. But, it's 'biggie' thing for me. One of many things I struggle with, and I'm sure - a lot others do too. So, that's what I like to change this year. It might be hard, given a day or two. But, if I keep on doing it - hey, it could be a new habit. A forced one of course, but it's still count. They say old habits dies hard, but I digress. Set an achievable goal and plenty of time; I'm sure it can be fixed. That's why I like to start now.

Two days ago I woke up with a new high spirit inside of me. A lot of things had happened last year, some of it was good, many were bad - I just wish a part of it could disappeared and be gone forever. But, hey - that's me being a child. Truth is, those bad memories are still gonna hunt me and my subconsciousness everyday. Instead of running, it's probably better for me to face it and then deal with it in my own way. Anyway, I figure 2018 might be the year to keep my bad thoughts in control and resolution could be one of the way to do it. Control... Even the very word terrifies me, but I'm ready. My mind, body and soul are ready to get beaten. I'm ready to face my own Demon this year; whichever form or shape they may take. I don't mind if I get bleed, as long as I know that I had tried my very best.

Ever since I started vlogging in my daily life, I barely thinks about writing in this blog anymore. And to think... this used to be my number one choice when it comes to 'soul-baring'. Anyway, I think as the time and technologies change - so did I. I found it's much easier to contemplate my day through vlogging, than using words or pictures. Call it being narcissistic or what, but I love recording my daily life, edit and later watch it. Things can still be pretty interesting even when you're jobless, you know? Sure, I don't have the money, but that doesn't mean I can't have good time. Speaking of which, also a good thing... Time is on my side. I can basically do whatever I want with it. I don't think a lot of people could make the same claim.

Anyhow, 2018 is gonna be a special year for me. Not because I had decide to take another course at university or go to another country. But, because I had decide to pay more attention to my health. You know, I did my two-year worth medical check-up last year and had a little bit of scare. The doctor told me that if I'm not careful enough - I could potentially get a gallstone. Well, that runs in a family, I guess (on my maternal side). 'Potentially' doesn't exactly sound harmless, but at twenty-five; I realize that this is no time to be lenient about my health. So, no more fried food, meat, or anything that's high in cholesterol for me (no matter how delicious they are). I already cut down the sugar intake on my drinks about a week ago and sure, it sucks, but in a long-time period - this is gonna be a good thing. I hope too.

I guess that's pretty much what I had to say, when it comes to my 2018 resolution. Nothing too big, too show-off, or too un-achievable. It's just a small changes that I hope to lead into big ones in the future. It's too early to tell anything yet, but for now -  this is becoming of me. Let's pray it will become a huge success.

Anyway, thank you for reading this entry. Hope you have a good start in 2018 too.     

-Mimi Said-

Tuesday, October 24, 2017

Sunshower @ UM Graduation Day 2017

Hello there. I'm back with my final entry (I hope), about my graduation day at UM. I hope you don't feel sick about reading this already.

As you know, I just completed my master degree studies and my graduation day (pictures) is finally here. But, instead of using English language as medium off interaction, kali ni aku akan gunakan bahasa Melayu.. Actually, tak lah Melayu mana pun (Manglish la cam biasa).  Harap korang sudi membacanya.

Seperti yang aku dah jelaskan kat post aku sebelum ni, hari konvo aku jatuhnya pada 22hb Oktober 2017, Ahad (est 3.00ptg). Minggu cuti mid-sem universiti & juga cuti sekolah. Dah pastinya tak ada masalah untuk ayah dan adik aku. Jumlah tetamu (guest) yang dibenarkan untuk pelajar master hanyalah 2 orang sahaja (PHD boleh sampai 3 orang). Tiga tahun lepas aku dah bawak masuk mak ayah aku, kali ni aku rasa macam nak bawa adik lelaki aku, Syahmi Said la pulak. Konvo hari Ahad kan dan memandangkan ini mid-sem break/cuti sekolah - itu semua boleh diatur... 

Sebenarnya, aku kesian gak nak mengheret adik aku ke sana ke mari walhal aku tahu yang dia ada exam lepas cuti mid-sem ni. Tetapi, syukur dikurniakan adik mithali gred A yang rajin melayan kerenah kakaknya ni. Takpe bro, konvo u nanti I datang and amik gambor tak putus-putus cam mamarazi yek? 

Oleh disebabkan konvo ni dekat UM, maka takleh la nak bersuka ria je pergi tanpa memikirkan perancangan perjalanan. Dari tempat aku ke KL - makan masa hampir dua jam kot... Tambah-tambah lagi aku ada majlis meraikan graduan Master dekat fakulti jugak pagi tu. Takkan nak paksa semua orang bangun pagi lak? Kena be considerate... Jadi, untuk memudahkan kerja - kami pun menyewa hotel. Semasa melayari laman web, nasib baik terjumpa hotel yang berdekatan dengan UM yang within our budget. TYSM mama... hehe

Macam Valenza Hotel  ni jaraknya cuma 6-7 minit je dari UM & Midvalley.
Wifi tip top, bilik pun wangi je. Sangat berbaloi...
Hari keesokannya, awal-awal aku dah bangun untuk siapkan make-up dan bawak turun barang. Aku tak pastilah fakulti lain di UM ni macam mana, tapi fakulti aku memang ada majlis meraikan graduan master dan PHD ni. Seperti konvo, majlis ni juga hanya membolehkan dua orang tetamu jemputan je jadi aku invitelah parents aku. Kita orang sampai ke fakulti aku 45 minit lebih awal sebab aku nak send adik aku ke student area UM agar dia boleh study kat sana. Lepas mendaftar, baru aku tahu sebenarnya boleh juga kalau nak jemput ahli keluarga yang lain tapi nak wat camne - adik aku dah start study dia. Aku tak nak la kacau dia ke apa kan, tapi dalam tempoh adik aku tak ade tu sempat jugalah aku tangkap dua tiga gambar ngan mak ayah aku macam kat bawah ni;

With my beloved ones.... hehe. 
Masa ni tetamu belum ramai. 
Apalagi kan, keluar phone tangkap depan.
Bersama dengan lecturers and graduan yang lain.
Eh, eh... tetiba muncul pulak my lil' brother..
Atas desakan aku yang tak putus-putus, adik aku telah
di paksa menukar baju 'kasual'nya kepada formal di bilik air student lelaki berdekatan.
Tu yang muncung panjang tu... huhu (JK)
A little bit of souvenir given by my faculty.
Thank you for taking care of me for these past 2 years.
I couldn't possibly make it without them.
Invitation card untuk mama and bro aku.
Hehe, excited gila bro aku datang aku siap print lagi
(actually aku print gak nama parents aku masa convo kat UKM dulu)

Suasana di dalam Dewan Tunku Canselor, UM
First time datang sini masa aku daftar as new student, nearly two years ago.
Now, as a graduate. Time does flies, I guess...
Selfie bersama coursemate, Kak Ida.
Ada dua orang lagi ni, WeiX dan Kak Fauziah tapi kami telah ter'pisah' selang seorang
dek kerana angka giliran. Kalau tak dah lama aku ajak mereka selfie berempat. :)
Finally, dapat jugak scroll master from UM.
It feels so surreal to me.
Apa-apa pun, amat bersyukur. :D
Picture taken sejurus saja aku keluar daripada dewan.
Pipi nampak buncit sebab makan banyak malam tu. Haha.
Dalam banyak-banyak gambar, ini antara favorite aku. Masa ni boleh tengok gelagat manusia-manusia lain berkonvo. Mungkin tak nampak jelas kat sini, but aku boleh rasa connection tu while I was watching them. Seperti yang aku katakan dulu dalam post ini, ambil master (tak kira apa discipline pun) bukan lah senang... You're not only playing with time and future here, but you're also playing with $$$... Bunyik memang macam best "Ya, aku tengah ambil master sekarang ni..." but you have no idea how much work I had to do behind the scene (bukan merungut ye, tapi kenyataan).

So, dekat sini aku nak ucapkan tahniah lah and kudo's bagi mereka yang dapat habiskan thesis on time, but more respect for those yang mampu teruskan walaupun tesisnya telah di reject beberapa kali. Rejection, giving up, anxiety, fear, etc... - I'm sure student yang take Master/PHD semua pernah rasa. Lagi lama masa kau spend untuk buat tesis, lagi banyaklah feelings tu bercampur aduk sampai at the end dah tak boleh fikir apa dah. That why I wanna say... you guys are the true champion kat sini because tak pernah kenal erti berputus asa. Kalau aku boleh kasi satu advice macam mana nak buat tesis; advice aku adalah keep moving forward... There'll be a time bila kau tetiba stuck, sedih sebab kena reject, mogok sebab rasa macam buat balik pun takde guna - but nothing will change selagi kau tak buat apa-apa. That's what I learned and now I'm passing that down to anyone who's reading my blog and interested in taking master degree course themselves.

Pictures with mom & dad
Apa-apa pun, sebelum aku terlupa - aku nak cakap yang aku sangat grateful yang semua family aku sudi meluangkan masa untuk menghadiri majlis konvo aku kali ini. Seriously, happy gila bila nampak semua family members aku berkumpul. Time UKM dulu pun best jugak, tapi boleh rasa incompleteness tu bila family members tu tak cukup sorang. Since adik aku pun ada ni - maka completelah family kami yang kecil ni. Hihi...

Pictures with my lil' bro...
Okay, so here's a little 'fun' thing yang jadi masa hari konvo aku... Lebih kurang 30 minit gitu lepas sidang ditangguhkan, sedang aku dalam perjalanan memilih flower bouquet - hujan tiba-tiba turun dengan lebatnya... Ala-ala sunshower / foxrain gitu... Terkejut gila aku kenapa tadi panas terik boleh tetiba hujan panas lebat pulokss? It feels so strange.... Anyway, nak marah pun tak boleh juga pasal hujan yang turun tu kan satu Rahmat? So, instead of feeling sabotage or whatever - aku senyum and pray je dalam hati sampailah hujan tu berhenti. 

Masa tengah membelek gambar-gambar convo, ternampak lak
gambar ni. Tak sedar pun bila adik aku angkat phone and snap.
Cantik pulak walaupun jalan tar tu dah hampir basah semua wakaka.
I have to give it to my bro. Despite of the sudden change in weather,
he really knows to capture the beauty in a moment.
Haha, walaupun hujan masih belum reda, photoshoot tetap perlu diteruskan jugak.
Namanya nak give up memang takde yeh.
Bukannya hari-hari pun aku konvo camni. XD
Final picture with mom & dad.
So, aku dan keluarga aku bertolak balik dari UM ke Melaka kira-kira pukul 6.00p.m. Kena hantar adik aku balik cepat lah pasal esoknya dia ada test. Sedih gak bila time drop adik aku kat dorm dia but apa leh buat; perjalanan study dia masih panjang lagi. Hopefully adik aku pun dapat G.o.T juga dan dapat keep moving forward dengan life dia (same advice also applies to me). I'm only 25 years old... Masih jauh lagi perjalanan, benda aku nak belajar, dan experience yang aku perlu tempuhi out there. Cuma jangan expect aku study amik PHD ke hapa lah dalam masa terdekat ni. Hampir 7 tahun aku study dari zaman Matrik, ke zaman Degree hinggalah finally...Master. I think that's quite enough.... don't u think so?

Disebabkan ayah aku dah bagi teddy bear yang agak besar semasa degree dulu,
aku tak nak teddy bear gila besar gedabak kali ni. Wat semak jerr.
Cukuplah teddy bear kecil ni sebagai momento hari konvo master aku.
It's not the size that matters, but the meaning behind it that's important...

Okaylah, sampai sini dulu lah post aku untuk kali ini (mungkin ini coretan terakhir untuk tahun ini)... Apa-apa pun terima kasih sebab sudi baca. I know you probably be thinking by now... "Panjangnya entry dah tu gambar sampai berbelas-belas pulak tu. Ni mesti kes riak ni..." Haha, please don't think that way. Aku cuma nak share about my life journey so far, Sejujurnya, aku lagi enjoy menulis di blog ni daripada nak gebang di sosial media. Disitu aku cuma update kat FB 4-5 bulan sekali and then terus disappear without a trace (the same goes with instagram). Tapi aku suka update kat sini.... I think that's because most people tak tahu yang aku ada blog (kalau tahu pun dorang tak tahu url address) dan kat sini aku boleh post anything about my life without so much of getting scrutinize. Pressing hard on the matter, it's also because I feel most like myself here....

Anyway, dengan berakhirnya program master aku, maka berakhir jugalah entry aku kat UM. Rasa macam sekejap sangat but don't get me wrong - I'm glad that its over. Harap-harap I'll come back with a good news to you all. Doakan yang baik-baik saja, ye. Thank you and God bless...

Yours Truly,
Mimi Said.

Tuesday, October 17, 2017

Pre-convocation UM 2017

Hello there! How y'all doing? Mimi's here...

So, I'm back with another post. This would be my third one for this month alone and believe me when I say - it also won't be my last. I got another one planned for my convocation day, but until then - I'll hope you'll enjoy reading this.

I guess I can finally say it out loud now; my days as a master student in UM is officially over. I had been studying close to two years now (mixed-mode, what can u do?), yet it feel like only yesterday I first stepped my feet in here as a student. Come to think about it, I didn't make a lot of post about this place before as I only attended the classes just for a semester and now it had coming to an end - I guess it might be a good idea to milk out this final experience as much as I can by immortalized in this blog. After all, this could be my last time studying in here. ( ̄∇ ̄)

Before I started talking about my pre-convocation day in UM, I think I wanna say something first. I wanna say about my experience, the one things that stood out the most for me about this place compared to my previous alma mater (UKM). You know what they say... Different places brings out different experience... No? Well, maybe I just made that part up. Anyway, before I start rambling again - let's begin...

Three years ago, when I was a student in UKM, something that struck to me the most besides studying and assignments was... the endless of car riding. Back then there wasn't any functional train nearby my hometown that I can use (the nearest one is in Seremban). Naturally, car was one of the my legitimate option to get there. Back then I didn't even consider riding a bus never because it proves to be much hassle. However, that doesn't means that I was too fond with having my dad picking me up either. I dislike it because the trip is always so freaking expansive...

But, today it's a little bit different, tho. With an exception to my first semester, I can say that for the most 95% of the time - I can get by using train and buses. I choose not to stay in KL because of the expansive rent, so I personally like public transportation because it's much easier and cheaper. I usually went to UM alone, but since it's my pre-convocation day, the idea of going there alone sounds... a bit lonely. Luckily, my lil' brother is on his mid- semester break, so I asked him to tag along. Truth is, he wasn't feeling so well, but he did come anyways coz he's such a doll. Thanks bro!

So, I have nothing more to say and since they say picture can say a thousand words, please treat yourself to some scrolling....

Examination Building, UM - 10.30 a.m
Inside of the paper bag are my Graduation robe, caps and others.
And yeah, who else but the little old ME...
(I have no idea why I made that face tho)
The stairs heading towards the UM pre-convocation carnival.
I gotta say, despite never been here before, I'm quite impressed.
It's pretty dope.
Food Junction, Midvalley - 12.30 p.m
Lunch time!
I was starving so I decide to have some Thai fried rice with
side dishes for my lunch while my little brother choose to have some Chicken rice.
Matcha Ice Cream, 3.10 p.m
Before heading back, I told my brother about this delicious
Matcha ice cream from a store call Family Mart.
It only cost about RM2.80 each and super delicious!
He have a try and told me that he likes it.
It's located at the same level with the KTM station.
A definite try if you come to Midvalley.
Waiting for the Train, 3.20 p.m
A little selfie time while waiting for the train.
One of a few downside about taking public transportation
- it takes forever to arrive...
My little brother said that he loves this convocation paper bag design.
He thinks it's pretty 'kawaii'. ;)
While killing the time waiting for the train, my bro decides to play game on his phone.
He looks so into it so I decide to snap without his knowing... Hehe.
More selfie on the train with some nonsense sticker I put for lolz.
I hope you like the direction of this picture is heading. So here's the story;
"The naughty kuma-san is looking at her brother throwing up
 with a smirk upon her face. THE END."
Oh look, I even make a fire...
Arrival at KTM Tampin, Pulau Sebang, 5.05 p.m 
We had arrived! I didn't realize that my brother is
taking this picture until he showed it to me.
What a sneak!!
So, that's it guys. That's the end of days for my pre-convocation UM. There's another post coming soon so stay tuned for that. Thank you for reading this entry. See y'all soon!

Yours truly,
Mimi Said.  

Saturday, October 14, 2017

Graduation kali ke-2

Salam semua. How y'all doing? Hope everyone is doing fine.

Jadi kembalinya aku sekali lagi ke blog ni adalah kerana aku ada benda best nak cerita. Ok, mungkin bukan untuk orang lain lah, but untuk aku ya. Hope korang sudi menbacanya :) 

Anyway, so aku tak tahulah kalau ada yang masih ingat atau perasan yang dalam post ini, aku ada mention yang aku kini sedang sambung pengajian master. Aku rasa para Malaysian familiar kot bila aku sebut. Uni tersebut adalah sebuah IPTA yang bernama Universiti Malaya ataupun nama singkatannya, UM. Then, lepas je post tu, aku langsung tak mention anything dah pasal master study aku. Senyap-sunyi jer. Haik, apa dah jadi? Awak sudah kantoi ke cik Mimi? Or adakah aku ni golongan yang hanya hangat-hangat tahi ayam, konon sambung master 1 sem, pastu chiao-shin-chi and never to be seen again? Chilzz guys... Semangat study aku masih membara lagi even after I made that post.

Cuma tulah, lepas je aku bagi update tu, aku terus je menyepikan diri. Benda-benda lain aku share kat world wide web, cuma part study je aku akan elakkan. Aikk, kenapa begitu pula, cik Mimi? Menuntut ilmu tu kan satu perkara yang baik, kenapa perlu disorok-sorok pulak? Ya, memang pun but I had my own reason for doing so. Are you curious?

Ok, let me explain...

Seteleh je aku habiskan publishing projek around Feb-June 2016, aku telah di sarankan oleh supervisor (sv) agar menulis proposal immediately. Plan aku nak start Sept 2016 je but no-no, awak kena jugak start sekarang kalau mau G.o.T. G.o.T yang dimaksudkan di sini bukanlah 'Games of Thrones' okeh, but 'Graduate on Time'! Haha, semenjak zaman UKM lagi, pressure untuk graduate on time ini amatlah menyiksakan jiwa. Apatah lagi kini sudah bertambah bila aku agree untuk amik scholarship dengan kerajaan (aku telah ditaja oleh MyBrain15). Lagilah pressure untuk habis awal. So, that's when I decide to shut myself from the world a bit. Malas nak pening-peningkan kepala fikir pasal isu-isu yang takde kaitan dengan tesis aku. Jemputan kahwin, kenduri-kendara dan sebagainya memang aku tak amik port. Terpulangla kau nak fikir or kata apa... Tak campur orang ke, katak bawah tempurung ke, ronin sekalipun; aku telan je semua dulu asalkan tesis aku ni jalan...

But, here a thing...

Walaupun aku dah complete coursework aku (in which I took 6 subject in one-shot) and finished my publishing project within a year, aku still tak tahu nak tulis tesis pasal apa. Tambah pulak aku ni budak Sc Comp dulu, lagilah idea aku tu tersangatlah limitednya. Still, I know it's something that needed to be done. But, thinking about something and doing it is not as easy as it sounds... Buat tesis ni perlu berdasarkan fakta serta research yang teramatlah banyaknya. Even kau dah cari beratus-ratus sekalipun, kau masih akan rasa reference kau tu tak cukup-cukup lagi #truestory... Luckily, I had found one research topic that I am interested in and when I talk about it with my sv, she's interested in it as well so memang senang lah nak communicate (I feel lucky on this regard).

Selain proses mencari bahan research, aku juga perlu join meeting proposal defense (pd) and candidature defense (cd) student lain. Yang ni bagus di attend kalau nakkan inspirasi for structure tesis sendiri, but seingat aku aku hanya attend meeting ni dua kali. Why? Banyak reason kalau nak cakap, but the main one is aku gerun... Aku ada dengar testimoni yang mengatakan after pd dan cd bukan bermakna ko dah selamat. Ada je case proposal kena reject because tesis tak cukup strong untuk dijadikan kajian lah and candidature kena tolak because data tak betul or cukup comprehensive. Tu belum campur lagi kalau sv tak suka dengan tajuk proposal tu, proposal tak cukup unik, etc... So demi tak nak kusutkan fikiran serta tambah tension yang sudah sedia ada - aku elakkan meeting ni.

Actually, more than anything - aku ingat cerita rejected proposal/candidature hanya rekaan semata-mata untuk menakut-nakutkan bakal candidates je. Yea right kau dah penat-penat buat proposal, takkanlah lecturer tanak greenlit kan pulak? But, nope. I was wrong, of course. Tak caya and nak prove? Okay, here's one... First time aku buat pd, fail ko dan reason dia best sesangat... Reference aku outdated dan salah guna keyword. Akibatnya, habis effect satu proposal haku walaupun sv think it could potentially be a good research. Well, that goes to show yang takde apa yang mudah dalam dunia ni and dari situ jugak aku mula sedar apa bezanya tulis tesis dengan tulis novel fiksyen... Wakaka... Walaupun agak depressed sebab tak boleh nak proceed my thesis right away and for sure kena buat pd balik, yo girl isn't quick to give up just yet.

I simply just take my time...

Anyway, fast forward eight months later, after 2nd pd around Oct tahun lepas and cd last March; I finally made it! But wait.... there's more. Printing dan committee examination...Okay, yang ni aku tak mahu cerita banyak. Basically, it involves editing, printing 5 soft-bound copy, and last but not least; a couple of months waiting. Fyi, examiner aku ada dua orang ye... Lepas dapat comment from examiner pun (in which aku dapat 'minor correction'), masih tak settle lagi coz I still need to edit that tesis dalam tempoh tiga bulan. But, aku fix dalam seminggu dua je bcoz nak kejau deadline (convo). After fixing it, then and only then - we can talk about printing the hard-bound copy which usually takes about 3-5 hari. So, in total - aku spent around;

Satu tahun lebih tu... Kalau kahwin pun mungkin dah terberanak sekali.

Anyway, memandangkan aku still single, ignore sajalah attempt lame joke kat caption tu tadi. My point is to say, amik master, lagi-lagi mixed mode macam aku ni benar-benar menguji kesabaran ye. Banyak betul preliminary requirementnya (i.e kena lulus coursework lu baru leh wat thesis); tak seperti research and coursework yang very straight to the point. Aku tak ingat dah bape kali aku cakap ngan my father I want to quit, malas nak study dah pasal tension, but then bila fikir pasal masa dan wang ringgit yang telah diperabiskan untuk sambung master ni - berubah balik fikiran aku. Lagipun sejak bila aku pandai pakai tinggal benda ni? Time suka study, bila benci dropped sesuka ati? Banyak pulak duit mak apak aku ye~ Berani sambung study and amik tajaan, kenalah berani amik risikonya sekali, ye tak? #mohonterasa. Camne nak jadi superwoman lau tak leh nak cope dengan tension camni? 

Finally... habis gak penat lelah aku selama hampir dua tahun ni... oh yeah
Okaylah, tu je lah aku nak share untuk coretan post aku kali ini. Convocation day aku cerita some other time. I think it's going to happen on 22 October 2017, est. 2.00 p.m (kalau ikut website larr). Aku rasa homie aku (lil' bro) boleh join kali ni because sidang aku tu jatuhnya pada hari Ahad petang. Tak best la dia je tak pernah merasa masuk dalam untuk tengok convo secara live. Aku ni pun entah bila nak sambung study lagi... Nak jugak dia tengok aku jalan atas stage tu, cat-walk sket sambil menyambar my 2nd higher education scroll (lol). Graduation flowers jangan lupa sekali ye bro :) Anyway, for what it's worth, I'm glad that I decide to do this (master) and stick around to finish it. It hasn't been a smooth sail I gotta admit, but I'm glad I could have this two years experience and treasure it with me for the rest of my life. No words could've expressed my gratitude and gratefulness for people who had help me along the way. Thank you so much.


Sempat je aku beli some food tadi as mini celebration for my upcoming graduation.
Aku tak beli banyaklah because all of these stuff are only good in small doses. 
Banyak-banyak karang, diabetes plak aku. Bila usia dah makin meningkat ni, body ni mau jaga gak... huhu

p/s: Pasni priority kat part mencari kerja plak. Tak tahulah macam mana pulak yang tu. I guess we gonna have to wait and see.

At The End of my Master Journey: Mimi Said 

Wednesday, October 4, 2017

My 'True' Feelings about Boyfriend and Marriage

Hello semua. How you all doing? Hope everyone is doing fine.

So, asalnya aku malas nak buat update pasal topik diatas, tapi memandangkan 5 tahun telah pun berlalu since post ini - aku fikir ada baiknya kalau aku buat jugak. Apatah lagi bila melihat banyak kenalan highschool serta classmates zaman Matriks and UKM yang kini telah pun mendirikan rumah tangga; I feel a bit inspired nak update pasal my own personal life. Hope you guys don't mind to read it.

To be honest, kalau cerita pasal love life, aku pun tak pasti nak start macam mana...  Aku dah nak masuk 25 years old this year, but my love life so far has been pretty much... non-existence. Huhu, but menipulah kalau aku kata yang dalam tempoh macam tu aku tak cari langsung. Of course, I do. Dan sudah semestinya, manusia sekeliling aku pun berminat nak tahu progressnya... Daripada mak aku, ke mak cik-mak cik, ke member-member... Yeah, I totally get it why you guys are curious about this. Skrip soalan pun rata-ratanya lebih kurang sama je sampai aku pun dah naik hafal. 

Here, I even put some of the dialogue kat bawah ni:

Member A / Mak cik A: Kau dah ada boyfriend ke Mi? 
Aku: Tak. Belum lagi.

Mak cik A: Kenapa takde boyfriend? 
Aku: Ntahla. Tak tahulah... 

Mak cik A: Agaknya pasal ko sibuk study je kot, mana nak ada boyfriend...
Aku: .............

So, untuk mengelakkan soklan sama direpeat banyak kali, aku jarang sangat jumpa or contact mak cik / member-member aku. Diorang semua okay jer, cuma aku ni yang tak berapa nak hokay setiap kali di tanya pasal hal ni. I'm sure benda ni pun relatable to all single ladies out there. I mean, siapa je yang suka terkena soklan-soklan camni kan? Kenapa takde boyfriend.... Bila nak kahwin? Bla bla bla... Hisy, manalah aku tau? Banyak gila faktor kalau nak dissect sampai lusa pun tak habis. Cuma bezanya aku dengan those ladies - diorang probably masih mencari their own perfect guy, but me? 

Nope. Aku dah lama surrender pasal hal-hal mencari jodoh ni....

Whutt?? Ko biar betul Mi... Kahwin tu kan sunnah asal ko tanak buat lak? Well, aku nak explain la ni... But first bagi aku drop disclaimer dulu ye. Niat aku menulis post ni bukanlah untuk memburuk-burukkan orang yang dah ada bf/married ataupun nak tunjuk yang aku jealous ke hapa so chillek bro. Jauh sekali nak raih simpati korang untuk carikan aku suami/bf. Aku tak perlu semua tu... Aku tulis post ini sebenarnya cuma nak explain yang kenapa while having a boyfriend and getting married might work for others; it's never gonna 'work' with me. Hah, curious tak curious tak? Kalau ya bagus because sekarang aku leh explain some more dengan menggunakan 6 list of example dibawah;

1.) Masih belum jumpa dengan calon yang sesuai

Alasan yang cukup cliche' but so true. Aku rasa dalam 5 orang lelaki yang aku jumpa in my daily life; almost 3/5 of them are already married. Whoa, kalau dah cenggitu takkan takde lelaki kat online kot? Well, ada tu memang la ada, tapi aku tak percaya sangat jantan-jantan online ni. Yang kahwin boleh mengaku diri dia single, yang dah berpunya pulak boleh pasang dua tiga (while still claim diri mereka single)... Ahahakss.. no thanks. Sebenarnya aku ni jenis yang lagi prefer meet-people-in-person, kenal hati budi and bla bla bla dulu before carry on. Fate sangatlah katanya. And a bit of old-fashioned too, I know... Oh, well that's just me.    

2.) Lack of reason untuk berkahwin

Tell me, kau  cari jodoh sebab apa? Kahwinlah, takkan itu pun tak tahu? Dapat teman sehidup semati (#mogakeJannah), untuk re-populate this earth (#expectingparents), dapat green-card (#opss) and banyak lagi la reason lain sampai tak cukup untuk dilistkan. Ya, aku faham desire tu but weirdly - I don't have the same urge. Memang aku pernah tulis dalam blog ni yang aku ada plan untuk ada 5 orang anak (1 older son, 2 boy twins, another boy and lastly, a cute and beautiful baby girl). However, as the time goes by - desire aku to have my own kids becoming less and less... important. It's not like I hate kids (okay sometimes I do but only for a good reason), but aku rasa macam tak ideal je dengan life yang aku cuba envisionkan for myself. So, when you take the kids out from the equation of marriage, what's left? My lack of desire to get married... 

3.) Education Junkie

As far as I'm concerned, flowchart life orang lain macam ni:

SPM/STPM/Diploma/Ijazah -> Cari/dapat kerja -> Ada boyfriend/girlfriend from highschool/uni/work place/online/match-making/etc -> Engaged -> make $$$ -> Get Married -> Start a family life -> Raise the child together -> See your kids grow up.

Flowchart life aku lak:

SPM -> Matrik - > Ijazah -> Master - >  Find part-time/full time work -> saved $$$ for PHD -> Apply PHD after 2 years (probably) -> travel the world to gain more knowledge -> acquire new hobbies/skills after I'm done travelling -> write a book maybe?

Mostly study and work. Korang tak nampak pun boyfriend or marriage kat flowchart tu. I'm not sure why, but everytime I think about marriage... this one word keep come floating through my head. Domesticated. Like, wtf? Ingat anak kucing ke nak kena domesticated bagai? Sorry to the housewife/homemaker out there please jangan ambil hati ya? When I try to think about my life with another person, my brain just terus shoot ke situ. I guess the best way to sugar-coat it so that I tak sound like a bich is that; I'm an independent spirit. Tak suka berubah untuk orang lain dan paling pantang apabila dikongkong! Hisy, sampai ke situ lak fikirannya patutlah tak laku-laku. Huhu, kantoi sudah tapi aku rasa benda ni lah yang paling drag aku punya reasoning untuk mencari teman hidup. Sad? Yep. Stupid? Maybe. Single? Definitely. But that is my honest feeling... Mohon jangan judge.

4.) Kurangnya desakan parents untuk berkeluarga

Aku tak pasti parents orang lain macam mana, tapi parents aku ni jenis yang tak kisah. Kau nak kahwin umur berapa - tak kisah asalkan ko habiskan study dulu dan ada kerja... Kau nak berapa orang anak - suka hati, asalkan tahu jaga sendiri dan tak menyusahkan kami nanti. Ciri-ciri menantu pilihan - terpulang, asalkan bukan menantu yang perangainya macam hantu... Wedding expanses? Cari sendiri atau share ngan bakal husband sebab kau yang nak kahwin kan... See where am I going with this? Parents aku tak pernah push aku untuk berkahwin ataupun cepat-cepat bagi mereka cucu. In fact, dan dan je time aku nak bukak cite pasal boyfriend, time tu lah mereka ada hal lain...Personally, aku rasa parents aku lebih happy kalau aku single and unattached dengan sesiapa. Reason? Ntahlah aku sendiri tak tahu sebab aku malas nak tanya. Anyway, since statistic lelaki single dalam life aku almost non-existent pun, there you go for my fourth reason.

5.) Mostly.... Asexual

Okay, sila jangan click away ataupun muntah hijau bila nampak ayat di atas. Aku bukan nak start bukak topik lucah kat sini. As a legal adult I need to clarify where I stand about this (sexuality). Yes, betul aku sukakan lelaki dan poster kat bilik aku memang penuh gambar abang mat saleh handsome, but that doesn't mean that I'm sexually attracted to them. Aku lebih kearah spectrum yang nak kenal hati budi and having emotional bond with the opposite partner (without any touching or sex involved). In an ideal world mungkin wujudnya lelaki yang also have the same thought as me, but tbh I don't think this is what 'ideal' for normal guys. I mean ade ke lelaki yang nak kenal dengan perempuan hanya sekadar untuk kenal hati budi je? #realtalk. Anyway, walaupun lelaki yang aku nak ni most likely tak wujud, my sexual orientation is for real tho.

6.) Masih belum bersedia secara mentally and... physically

Haha, jangan start nak fikir kuning ye kat part yang last tu. Aku tahu mesti ada otak yang dah divert ke lain ni (sila refer balik no.5). So, selain banyak perks for being forever single - ianya ada gak downsidenya. Paling ketara adalah cara aku berfikir and how I handle the situation... Aku tak pernah tahu the feeling menunggu bf atau mendapat approval dorang untuk ke mana-mana bagi mengelakkan kes merajuk atau cemburu and vice-versa. My money, energy, and time - hanya untuk aku seorang je. Kalau ko cakap yang aku suddenly kena split masa dan energy untuk orang lain because aku kini dah ada bf, aku akan cakap ko crazy. I mean no way, man... 25 years aku hidup tanpa boyfriend, logik akal aku tidak boleh nak cope dengan misteri alam yang tiba-tiba macam ni. Mental dan fizikal aku aren't totally prepared yet...

So, that's it guys.... My 'true' feelings about boyfriend and marriage. Now you know where my stand in this. But before anyone start fikir yang aku memang takde niat nak ada bf/ berkahwin sampai bila-bila; fahamilah bahawa tanggapan korang tu adalah salah. Aku tak menolak jodoh dan ketentuan Illahi but for now, I'm just playing with the hand I was dealt. That's all... Thank you for reading this entry. See you all soon!